Can candy live proud?

So other than the fact that I need a life... these entries have shown me one thing.
I focus far too much on those around me and forget about myself.

After writing my last entry, I got to thinking about some of the stuff I'd said.
I'm not forgotten at all nor am I easily forgotten, just sometimes I wish I was... I've always been one who preferred to be left to my own devices, kind of ironic considering one of my biggest fears in life is to be alone.

I was pumped to do just that the other night though when I planned some 'me' time and went to see Avatar. I rang and invited one of my friends who's been bugging me for far too long to go spend some time with her. Unfortunately, she was in Melbourne and so couldn't make it.
So I decided that it might actually be fun to go by myself... well with the company of 'Frank' (My imaginary date for the evening my friend and I had cooked up over the phone). -Now if only I'd been going to see Donnie Darko instead!
But at the last minute, I folded and invited the one person nearby who would do anything to spend time alone with me. Not because I really wanted him there, just because I didn't want to go to the movies alone.

Big mistake... as soon as I picked him up, I realised just how much I wanted to be alone again.

But I digress, this blog is supposed to be about ME! I really am quite proficient at deflecting attention from myself it would appear...

I was quite proud of myself really, I looked hot (in my opinion, and this is REALLY saying something cause I usually don't think much of me at all).
I straightened my hair for the first time in weeks, put my contacts in (I can't remember the last time I wore them!), dug out my fave shirt and jeans, added a bit of bling and a squirt or three of my fave fragrance (well second fave, my younger bro has made off with my fave!).
At the risk of sounding somewhat narcissistic, I would've fucked me... Not that I was looking to pick up, just that it was nice to feel all preened and classy considering the last few days I'd been covered in dirt from fixing up Mum's backyard.

But then I destroyed my own moment by letting self doubt cloud my better judgement and invited the Boy.

I make so many promises to myself that I loose track of them all... but here's one that I have every intention of keeping: Make time to enjoy my own company at least once a week... ok so once a month will be a more obtainable goal, lets go with that!
Let's see how I manage that!

The other thing I woke up to this morning was far more simpler... A rainbow rubber wrist band (you know the ones that every second charity churns out) that a good friend of mine gave me last week as an apology for not being able to make it to ChillOut with me (he moved interstate on Wednesday to help his Mum while she recovers from sugery)
Anyways, until this morning it didn't really strike me as much, but what got to me was after I posted what I did last night waking up to see the two little words on it: LIVE PROUD.
Coincidence? or is there some higher power trying to give me a hint?

It also reminded me of an analogy someone once used to describe me:
Nelo, you're like the most sweetest piece of candy imaginable. Unfortunately, you've placed yourself at the bottom of a jar of knives. The reward is immense, but few would be willing to stick their hand in there to try to get it.
-In other words... stop being such a prick and let people in.

So I put it to you... Can a piece of Candy loose the knives and learn to live proud?
Only one way to find out!