OK, so this one is a purely selfish post... But a happy one all the same.
Me writing to me to cement why I need to do what I need to do. (Man is that ever confusing!)
So I've been wrestling with an idea in my head for months... To move or not to move.
The answer is simple. The logic behind it equally so...
But now the real question is, can I do it?
PROS:
I'll be living in Melbourne... (bit of a no brainer really!)
I'll be able to find work that fits in around my degree a hell of a lot easier (In theory) -Thus having an income that will in turn allow me to save money rather than just spend it on bills.
I'll have a MUCH better chance of finding work in my chosen field (Youth Work)
I'll be away from this soul sucking hell hole of a town I call home (Lets face it, I'm wasted here. My last job was all the proof I needed of this)
I won't have to endure the stresses of living here... the fights, the tears, my Mum's relationship.
I won't have to worry about bumping into clients from work in the Supermarket (ahh, the joys of living in a small rural community)
I won't be living at home (the best reason of all IMO, I love not being here despite the number of times in the past that I've come back)
I'll have access to businesses that are open after 10pm
I'll be able to go out to restaurants that serve NICE food
I'll be able to go out to clubs that aren't filled with all the dead shits from high school that I never wanted to speak to again when I finished in 2001, let alone talk to now.
I'll be able to be me...
CONS:
I won't be able to see Casey and Charli (my best friend and her baby) at the drop of a hat. -Strange I know, but they mean the world to me. And I'll miss them both terribly!
and that's about it really...
Quite clearly I've already made the decision to move. I even know when I want to do it. In my semester break... so late June/early July. My degree can be transferred easily, I'll still be attending the same university, just at a different campus.
My biggest thing now, can I put myself above everyone else?
I know it sounds strange, but I can't help feeling guilty that I'm leaving everyone behind me.
-Especially considering because once I do this, I'm not coming back. I'll be in Melbourne until I finish my degree, with a year of work to build up some funds, then a flight to England to live, work and travel.
I feel bad because it's like I'm abandoning everyone I care about to achieve my dreams, and I know that they'll understand.
Maybe I'm just looking for excuses... Maybe I'm just afraid I'll fail...
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That feeling of abandoning everyone you care about is what you should think seriously about, IMO. Certainly, leaving people you care about is painful, as it should be. But is "abandon" the right word for it? Do they truly need to have you there. Is their need for you such as to give them a right to ask you to forgo your dreams? Are your dreams good, i.e., are they what you should do with your life?
ReplyDeleteI think it's likely that when you analyze it, you'll realize that the emotions, powerful as they are, do not present a good reason for setting your life aside.
And surely you can stay in touch and return for the occasional visit. This needn't be farewell forever.
Well ahead of you Nat :)
ReplyDeleteI've analysed, re-analysed and over analysed as only I can do! And the answer I came up with is much the same as yours.
Friends and family will always be there and more so will understand when it comes time for me to say 'see you later'. It's not goodbye, because they know as well as I do that I'll be back.
I changed my status on Facebook to reflect my current train of thought ie. Considering moving to Melbourne mid year, to guage people's reactions. Everyone did exactly what I thought they would. Casey said she'd miss me, so I replied with a rather long email explaining why I can't stay here much longer.
I spoke to her about it briefly today and she understands.
Her worry was that I was doing it for the wrong reasons and that she would loose me forever. But I've explained why I need this and all is good.