A day with J

Well this week has been interesting to say the least, before rushing back home to Melbourne last week, I jumped on good old Seek and applied for a few random jobs online. Sadly, most were hospitality related... it seems to be the only industry that a) I have extensive experience in and b) works in with uni.
There was one job that I applied for as a joke though, Modelling and TV/Film Extra work with a talent agency.
Ironically, they were the only people that bothered to get in contact with me.
So, off I trot on Tuesday afternoon after spending FAR to long preening myself in the mirror. (Note to self:- Maintain eyebrows on a more regular basis!)
The nerves didn't really set in till I sat down on the train into the city, and boy did they kick in! I don't think I've ever felt so self conscious in all my life.
But I got that under control soon enough, and walked in with the idea set firmly in my mind that they would give me the job without a second thought.

After a good half hour or so of talking utter bullshit with the guy, who would've thought something based purely on one's appearance had so many things to consider!
Anyway, apparently I have a very cool and funky look that would be highly sought after and he gave me a contract to sign then and there and proceeded to arrange a time for me to go to a studio for a photo shoot (Having never done this kind of work before, clearly I didn't have any of the necessary portfolio photographs).
Then comes the bit I wasn't expecting... a $400 price tag... Who knew that I was expected to shell out for these photos?
It was right about then that I explained that I was a poor uni student and that I didn't have that kind of money just laying around at my disposal, so that kind of ended that for the moment. He's given me his details and told me to give him a call when I'm ready to do my photo shoot.
After some careful consideration, I've decided not to go ahead with any of it. Despite the fact that mother dear offered to pay for it all (I think she kinda likes the idea of having a model for a son).
I just don't like the idea of someone owning my appearance (part of the contract stated I had to inform the company if my measurements changed by anything more than 3cm or if I wanted to cut/colour my hair.)
So, thanks for the ego boost guys... but I think my modelling days will have to wait.

Now onto more pressing matters... (Yes Jason, this is where I start talking about Mr J)
J and I spent the day in the city together today, well kind of... we attended a hearing for a discrimination case for a youth group we attended (WayOut Victoria) vs Christian Youth Camps -Google it, or Twitter it for further info.
Its the first time I've hung out with him outside of his family home... and I've gotta admit it was just a little strange.
I dunno if it was because I was running on about 5hrs sleep or what.

So the day started with him telling me he'd caught an earlier train (read, I know had 20mins to shower and get ready and drive to the station -an hour less than the original plan). I'd planned to get there and meet him as he stepped off the train, get coffee and head off to the hearing...
He screwed that one right up, his train arrived as I was waiting to catch the train into the city (a good 30min trip).

When I eventually made it to the station, he was standing at the top of the escalators waiting for me. Normally, I would've been happy to see him except that I have a 2 coffee minimum before I begin to act human when forced to have an early start to my day.
In fact, I believe my first words to him were simply 'Coffee'.

He proceeded to tell me how much fun he'd been having at the station while he was waiting by riding the escalators up and down and how he thought he'd show his support for the 'team' by wearing bunches of rainbow ribbons attached to his belt.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being proud about the whole gay thing. I just don't feel the need to flaunt it so apparently to every tom, dick and harry walking around the centre of Melbourne.
But each to their own...

As we were walking through the turnstiles, I expected him to be right behind me... I turn to see him talking to one of the turnstile operators (they have at least one gate manned to help people out if they can't work out how to validate their ticket). Apparently he'd discovered a 'bumpy' escalator during his travels and wanted to let them know. I just laughed and pointed out that they were all like that.
But again, I couldn't help but noticed the childish innocence he displayed, laughing at the masses of people as they all ran across the pedestrian crossings the moment the light went green, OMGing at the bizarre and wonderful characters traversing the streets of the city, complaining about how big the place was in general.

I don't know why, but that really started me thinking... Do I want to go down this path, can I deal with looking after a child. I swear I spent half my day checking to make sure he hadn't just wandered off at random or been accosted by the usual people on the street trying to sign you up to donate to some random charity.

Lunch was the same, we went for lunch with the other people involved with the trial (there were about 6 of us all up) and once again our differences were highlighted. He sat and talked shit with the younger guys, I sat and talked to the groups facilitator and the CEO of the organisation it's auspiced by.

(I'm skipping over the boring bits involving the trial btw)

The 11th day of the trial concluded at about 5pm, and not really wanting to go back home just yet I decided I'd take him for coffee at my current favourite little cafe...
Again, I was expecting our usual banter but there was really none of that. The conversation just felt forced and unnatural. He was complaining about how some of the cafes decorations were annoying him (in particular a row of silver espresso pots) and how awesome the cheesy old school music was. I just wanted to talk about the trial... after all, we'd just sat there for the better part of 7hrs!

We downed the coffee pretty quickly, and while I would've loved to have sat and had a second. He didn't... So off we trudged to the station and made our way back to my car.
Ironically, we had our most meaningful conversation for the day on the train, inspired by some of the random articles in the free paper they hand out at the major CBD stations.

Got home, and needless to say he was amazed by the fact that I have electric gates. That one I'll give him, even I find it quite amusing to walk outside and have gates open at the press of a button.

I was supposed to text my housemate so she could be there to meet him, but I really didn't feel up to it (and I'm not sure I want her to meet him until I figure out what I want from him either). The last thing I wanted was for her to stick her foot in it by saying something she shouldn't have!
Thankfully, neither of them were home. So after giving him a quick tour of the house I did a ram raid on my room packed some clothes and shut the door behind me.

The drive back to Bendigo with J wasn't really what I was expecting either. Granted both of us were tired and I was a little busy abusing the incompetant drivers and the constant red lights I was getting, but still I expected something... anything...
We stopped at Maccas for a quick dinner, and the conversation pretty much consisted of him rehasing stories he'd already told me two or three times before (and even a few things I'd told him).

Eventually we made it back home to his place, where after some random conversation with his sister (I'm beginning to think I get along better with her than him) I apologised for having to cut my visit short (I was about ready to fall asleep and still had a 30min drive ahead of me).
J and I shared a cuddle in his room... and... while it felt nice, it just didn't feel quite right this time. Same deal when I hugged him goodbye as I got back into my car.

That said... rewind to a couple of days ago where I awoke to a message something along the lines of 'I had the most bizarre dream last night... The Doc had just told me I could kiss people again and I was on a TV dating show and everyone was trying to convince me why they should be the first to kiss me'.
Of course my reply was something along the lines of 'So who won?'
Apparently it was me... (cue some more flirting on both our parts).
Next night, I get a message from J stating that he was probably a little inebriated (yes, he actually used that work) but that he just wanted to tell me 'Dream or no dream, when it comes to the first person I kiss... you would definately be the winner' -You being me of course... just to make that a little more confusing!

So here lies my issue, I have this totally sweet kid chasing after me who has clearly developed quite a thing for me. And then there's me... A grumpy old git who has suddenly realised that I'm not quite so interested in him as I was a week ago.
I mean I like the boy, but I just don't think we're that compatible. He's still so innocent and sweet, and I'm... well... not.

Lately, every time I see him it seems as though I find more reasons why we wouldn't work as a couple.
I can see me hurting him rather badly if I just played along with this, and I don't want to do that.
But at the same time, I kinda don't want to give up on it yet either.

I guess I can't really have my cake and eat it to though...

Sorry Mr Shaw, looks like the fireworks you were expecting turned out to be duds.