Mr J

So it finally happened the other night, you know... the inevitable question was asked.
Only it wasn't me asking it for once, it was him.
The question being, 'what do you want from me?'

My answer was one of honesty, brutal honesty. The reply was quick because I had been expecting him to ask me this for days, and true to myself, I had spent days figuring out the answer to it.

The truth was, that I'm still not sure if I want anything more than friends with him.
I just want to go with the flow and see where it ends up. That all I want to do for the moment is to continue hanging out with him and sharing cuddles and what not.

The moment I hit send (yeah, he texted to ask me), I felt my heart drop. I got the feeling that he was wanting more and this was his way of making his intentions clear.
After a while, I got my reply. On face value, sounds like we're all on the same page and he's happy to continue seeing me as we are now.
Neither of us are ready to enter the world of relationships, each for our own reasons.
I told him I wasn't ready because of the whole moving and uni thing, that I needed to have a bit of stability in my life before I dragged someone else into all of my bullshit.
He, well... he didn't really give me much of an answer, but did at the same time.
I'm not even gonna attempt to explain that one, just go with it...

So it would seem things are working out ok for us.

Oh god, this was supposed to be a happy post, but as I write this it seems more and more like what happened between LX and I. Just the situation is reversed this time.
There's also the nasty feeling that I've got in the pit of my stomach that I'm never going to be ready for another relationship.
Am I really that willing to risk having my heart torn out again?

Honestly? I don't know...

I think I might go see him on my way back to Melbourne, just to hang out. Actually, I think I need to explain a little bit more of my story to him... If he's falling for me, I think he deserves to know the whole story instead of just the pieces I think he'll find most appealing.

I told him about the blog the other day too... I'm kind of hoping he finds it, but kind of hoping he doesn't at the same time. I'm not sure I'm ready for him to read the things I write here. At least not just yet anyways.

To end on a happier note, Melbourne is freaking awesome :)
Everything important is 5mins drive. Massive shopping centre with a few of my favourite shops in it, hospital, train station, uni. It's only 20mins into the city by train too which is always a good thing :)

Housemates are awesome, although I've barely seen them all week. My room is ok, but hey I'm working on making it better. Rome wasn't built in a day after all!