Fear in her Eyes

OK, so I've calmed down a little since last I sat down to write.
Needless to say brother dear didn't lift a finger until Mum got home, for once though she stood her ground and made him clean up his own mess.
But it would appear she has so much more on her mind at the moment, I don't think she realises that I can see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice but she's scared right now.
For good reason too, with me moving out she's left all alone in the house I've come to call home. Not that thats why she's scared...
She's scared because she knows the house is to much for her to manage on her own and so she's come to the conclusion that she needs to sell up and move on.
Now for the scary part... She doesn't know what she wants to do with herself after she sells. Personally, I think she deserves to have nothing short of perfection so she can enjoy the sunset years to their full extent.
Fuck, after raising 3 kids pretty much by herself, endured her marriage to my Dad and done some god awful jobs just to make sure we got everything we ever wanted, she's earned a break. Hell, she deserves a medal!
The other thing she has to consider here is her relationship with Ian. She's all alone there too, she knows that none of us like him each for our own reasons. But she can't decide one way or another if she can deal with his shit forever either.

-Personally, I think she's just shit scared of having to start all over again. I don't blame her for that either. I barely managed when I had to... in fact if it wasn't for her I don't think I would have.

On top of that, while she was in Melbourne the other day, she went to visit my grandfather (her Dad). I've written about him here before, but it seems his mind is failing him even more now.
He's screwing up his medications and as a result has been giving himself 3 times the dosage prescribed to him for his gout meds. And god only knows what else he's been doing.
So that time where decisions have to be made for him is looming ever closer.
And ultimately the decision will be Mum's to make.

Now if that's not scary, I don't know what the hell is. Making permanent decisions on behalf of someone else is always a minefield, making them for your own father because your siblings are to caught up in their own world? Thats down right petrifying.

And god damn it! I got caught up in other shit again...
Screw it, double post time! I wanna talk about me and J and moving and exciting, happy and fun stuff like that!