Why you ask? To put it simply, I just CBF dealing with the real world today.
That insipid feeling of sadness is seeping back in once more.
I know this is all just my own personal reaction to the let down of my recent rejection for a job that I didn't really want. But it was my ticket out of here and now I'm back to finding another viable escape route from this little prison cell I so often find myself in.
They say that money won't buy you happiness, but speaking from experience poverty buys you nothing at all. -In fact all it leaves you with a bills to pay and a reliance on a government handout for being a student to pay them.
This year is quickly drawing to a close, and looking back at it I have naught but my usual wake of self-destruction and disappointment to show for my time.
Ironic that the eternal optimist can't see the light despite the fact that it shone so brightly through my open window all day. -Perhaps I need new glasses... Yeah that must be it, I'm looking at this through the wrong lens and from the completely wrong angle.
Perhaps what I need to do instead of holding out for my dream job, is to swallow my pride and temporarily settle for some form of honest income. At least then I'd have a decent chance of being able to afford the things I need instead of having to improvise with the things currently at my disposal.
Hell, my dream job probably won't become accessible to me till after I finish my degree anyways so trying to get it now is clearly just setting me up to fall.
Friday heralds the end of my second year back at uni and with it comes the downhill slope to finishing my degree. I've cleared the halfway mark, now I just need to stick it out for another 1.5yrs until I get the chance to stand up on that stage in my funny little outfit with it's cornflower blue satin trimmings where they hand me my magic piece of paper -the one that will hang on my wall with my other diplomas, the one that will open the doors that have been locked to me for so long.
But perhaps the scariest thing is that with it will come great responsibility, one that I'm afraid I'll not have the strength to shoulder when it comes time.
-No, I'm not fishing for comments here either, merely emptying some honest thoughts out of my head for the time being.
But at the end of the day, I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. More importantly though, I'm human. These ups and downs are all part of life and despite the fact that I feel blue now, tomorrow is a new day and with it will come new adventures and perhaps even a new colour for me to feel, cause lets face it blue is so last season. I think I'll just call it a night, get a decent ammount of sleep and try for something shiny and golden tomorrow. -I've always been more of a silver person, but gold seems much happier and right now my happiness is all that really matters. I have all the time in the world to worry about dream jobs and increased responsibilities, but if I'm not happy then all of it will be for nothing.
And you know what, I can feel that frown of mine turning upside down already.
Bye for now my friends :)
Oh sweet sweetie poppet honey love, shake that feeling right this moment. Ok, wallow in self pity and worthlessness for a while, it's health and natural - but only for a while! OK, that's enough!
ReplyDeleteMove on up, you are a wonderful person, your progression thought this thing called life has shown that. You can do great things, what am I saying, you already have!
Flipping mega mazement, you're half way though that really ekking long degree, well done.
Look back on the year, if you wish, but I;m sure you will see it's more positive than negative. As if to prove that point, how many times have I said well done in comments, compared to how many times I've said I'll kick your arse! I'm not sure what point that's actually making, but it'll give you something to do and while you are doing you wont be feeling down!
As my granny always used to say, when you're down there's only one way to go!
Smile and the whole world smiles too, cry and you do that on ya own! lol. not sure where that came from, maybe it was my granny, maybe it was me. But, is that smile there yet?? I'll come over during the ad break of Ellen and kick your butt, if it's not! xxx
I think you've given yourself some good answers to the way you felt when you wrote this post.
ReplyDeleteAnd I especially like your point about taking honest employment while you wait for your dream job. I never actually got my dram job. And when you think of it, most people are in jobs which would hardly be considered dream jobs by most people. My first dream job was to be a priest, and that became more specific: to be a monk. It didn't happen. Then the dream job was to be a university professor. That didn't happen either. Meanwhile I took a job with the Internal Revenue Service to provide some income. Before long, I was in a position I actually enjoyed (apart from some bureaucratic nonsense from higher up). Obviously, if I had gotten any of my dream jobs, my life would have been very different, but I've had a lot of experiences that I wouldn't want to have missed out on. Probably the same would have been true in a dream job life.
The point is, you can be happy. I hope you'll get your dream job. It's entirely possible you will. But don't let it be the only thing that determines your happiness. Don't let yourself feel miserable if you don't get it. Enjoy what you have.