I'm loved by many yet feel so alone, how can that be?
I've been through so much yet have nothing to show, and still I battle on.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm here, where I'm going and if you'll be there when I arrive.
I don't ask for much, a kiss, a hug, a warmth beside me while I sleep.
And yet, still you do not answer.
Why can't I say what I want to? And would you run if I did?
I wish, I want, I yearn, I cry...
So I found this last night while I was cleaning up some stuff on my PC, I can't remember why I wrote it or even who (if anyone) it was directed at. Only that it was written at the start of November last year.
I also thought it was a nice start to my blog...
Last night I had a bit of an epiphany on my drive home.
There is one particular part of the late night drive home from work that I particularly enjoy, a stretch of road which is lined on both sides by Eucalyptus trees. Nothing special for the Australian landscape right? So what makes this 100m so great?
Imagine driving along in the dark of night and coming to a stretch of road where trees reach up to form a tunnel over the road. Their striking white bark striped at random with bits of rusty, red, flaking bark. All this offset by the green of the fine leaves of the trees themselves. With nothing to light this tunnel of nature's beauty but the headlights of my car casting eerie shadows on the trees and the surrounding bushland.
I happened to look skyward at one point to see a single star shining brightly through a gap in the roof of foliage and branches.
Truly stunning... If only I had a camera on me at the time!
Anyways, I found myself lost in thought for quite a while... Hell there's nothing else to do while driving alone for an hour!
What was I thinking about? Well the last few days a question has been plaguing me for some strange reason. What do I consider to be my worst habit? Initially I came up with the answer of being too compassionate (yes, I'm one of those annoying people who can twist most negatives into a positive)
But then I realised something else... my worst habit isn't that I'm too compassionate. It's that I analyse and think too much about things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
I've lost count of the nights I've lay awake trying to formulate answers to things that will never be answered.
So... to my epiphany. The answer of being overly analytic played some part in it. The book I'm reading (The Art of Happiness) I'm sure acted as some kind of catalyst in the equation too.
Anyways, I realised that by demanding answers to things and trying to predict every possible outcome for any given situation has resulted in me not only loosing a lot of time in my life... but has also pushed away friends and loved ones. (there was a bit more to it than just that, but that's the simple less boring version of it)
Now for the fun part... Stopping myself from thinking so much and just get in and do it!
So how the hell do I manage that!?!
I loved this post, I want to give you a jolly big hug, for you deserve it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and well mind really with the rest of us. I always feel it's a great honour to be allowed in.
ReplyDeleteI know how easy it is to fall in the trapof thinking too much. I do it so much, soo very much! Look out for a post on that soon!
But, have heart, you're a fun person, you've got so much to offer and some lucky bugger is gonna get it some time soon.