OK, so I feel better about writing this now...
So much happened on the weekend that I needed to talk it out before I could write it.
It was my turn to freak this time...
I met 3 pivotal people in LX's life in one little evening. Full on to say the least...
Coupled with my feelings of wanting to run and hide, it didn't make for the best night.
I spent 2.5hrs on the beach last night talking to one of my friends about the fucked up thoughts I had running through my head.
The whole time all I could think was that I was talking about it to the wrong person.
I knew there was more going on than what LX had let on, reading his blog confirmed that. Strangely I wasn't hurt by what I read, a little pissed at one person for his efforts. I really don't appreciate it when I'm making an effort to be considerate and nice and get nothing short of utter rudeness thrown back in my face!
So LX and I have decided to be friends... it makes things so much less complicated but I can't help but wonder if that's all it will ever be.
I'm not sure that I want to be in a relationship with him, but part of me wants something more than to just be his friend... I wonder, is there a happy medium between the two?
Something more special than just a friendship, but not as full on as a relationship?
and now i have a smile on my face. Because i have gained a friend -LX's reply to our new status of friends...
Just wanna say, you dickhead! I was always your friend :P
I love you to bits buddy, you mean the world to me... There is still more that needs to be said about this whole situation. But that's a conversation for the two of us to have in private...
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:)
ReplyDeleteIf we have to categorize friendships, let me suggest that there are three levels that are not a sexual relationship.
a.) friendly acquaintance — these are people you know and with whom you are on speaking terms. Maybe you are in some group together, maybe you are neighbo(u)rs or classmates. You probably wouldn't invite them to a small party; but if you were having one for the group, you certainly would.
b.) friend — people you like who like you. You enjoy spending time with them even apart from any organizations that you are both in. These are people that you'd invite to go for a drink on Friday evening; or you might get together to share a hobby. People you like spending time with.
c.) intimate friend — people with whom you can share your deepest thoughts and feelings.
I've been suggesting to LX that he should see if an intimate friendship develops, and if so, whether that satisfies his hunger for love.
Of course, all of this is really a continuum. Some friends — b.) level — will be closer than others, but I think at each level the number one can have decreases. So it may be possible to have more than one intimate friend, but I doubt one could have a dozen.
I imagine that it would be possible for intimate friends to live together without the relationship becoming sexually active.
Anyway it sounds to me as if you're looking for an intimate friendship, or something similar. I hope all goes well.
IOW if what you want is an "intimate friendship," as I call it, you could be the answer to a prayer (mine, at least, if not his as well).
ReplyDelete:)
I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that last comment...
ReplyDeleteWell, LX has been telling of his thought process as he figured out what sort of relationship he ought to be seeking. In my comments, I tried to make the case, on moral/theological grounds, that he should look for intimate friendship. He seemed unconvinced.
ReplyDeleteSo if it turns out that a guy he wants to be close to wants an intimate friendship, that will give him a chance to experience it. Maybe he'll find that it satisfies his needs. Since I hope and pray for the best for him (and now you, too) and since that is what I believe would be best, that's what I hope and pray for.
I thought you might have been aware of my comments on LX's blog, and I really didn't intend it as something as serious as this explanation makes it. Assuming that you knew the history, I figured this could be a semi-serious, cheerful, semi-self-deprecating encouragement to you to try intimate friendship. Would a ;) have made the intention clearer?
I tend to agree with LX on this one, only I don't have any kind of theological theorem to base it on. Merely my own experience and what I've gleaned from the psychology components of the courses I've undertaken.
ReplyDeleteA relationship (in the sense that LX and I talk about) without sex isn't a relationship... gay, straight or otherwise. It's not complete. You cannot separate the physical from the emotional and expect to have a normal relationship.
What's best for LX is something only he can decide.
This ones a bit of a dangerous comment, but IMO theology holds no bearing when it comes to love.
And morally, well morals are such subjective things. Many are based on common prejudices within society anyway.
Love and the expression of it is far from an immoral act.