So here I sit once again... 3am on a Saturday and all alone.
I went out for drinks earlier, but that died in the arse after Charli fell sick.
Clearly I'm not even welcome in my own home tonight either, as once again Mum had locked the door.
Lucky I was able to break into my bedroom...
This town will be the death of me!
I shouldn't be here... I don't deserve to be alone, I don't deserve to be locked out of my house at night, I don't deserve any of the bad things that so frequently happen to me. Yet, I seem to triumph over adversity every time.
Just once I'd like to fall asleep in my own bed, in my own house, with a guys arms wrapped around me and an innocent smile on my face as I dream sweet dreams.
But no, instead I have to endure living in my Mum's house. Where I have no privacy, where I can't bring anyone home because I'm too embarrassed to introduce them. Where my dreams are nightmares and the only smiles that appear on my face are the ones I fake for the benefit of others. (A wee bit dramatic, but its sadly true.)
Maybe I'll find my little piece of happiness in Melbourne... but right now June seems so far away!
I'm trying to remain positive, but its so hard.
I just want someone to see me for who I really am... is that so much to ask?
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It's not too much to ask. But you can't demand it because you (and everybody else) aren't *entitled* to it. You're lucky if you find it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it feels like a long time now. Just keep reminding yourself that it *is* coming.
*hugs*
I know its coming, normally I'm a patient person. But this is all just doing my head in right now.
ReplyDeleteI'm sick of having to hear endless lectures on keeping my room cleaner than a hospital surgery and the threats of being kicked out if I don't. How noone listens to me at home but I'm expected to drop everything and run to them whenever they call. (I'm beginning to understand what Cinderella felt like before her fairy godmother intervened!)